Jane Austen, one of the most celebrated English novelists of the 19th century, is known for her insightful portrayals of relationships in her works. Her novels offer valuable lessons and perspectives on various aspects of relationships, including love, communication, societal expectations, personal growth, and integrity. In this article, we will explore the lessons we can learn from Jane Austen's writings and how they can guide us in navigating our own relationships.
Love based on Genuine Connection
Jane Austen portrays genuine love as a deeply emotional and sincere connection between individuals. When she writes about love, she doesn't rely on theory but rather draws from her personal experiences. She emphasizes that enduring relationships should be built on genuine emotional connections, prioritizing them over superficial aspects like wealth or societal expectations. Her novels highlight the significance of shared values, interests, and intellectual compatibility as the foundation for strong and lasting love. Austen believes that love must be authentic, complete, and wholehearted. In Northanger Abbey, she asserts, "There is nothing I would not do for those who are truly my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves; it is not my nature."
In “Persuasion,” Austen emphasizes the enduring nature of true love. The rekindled romance between Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth demonstrates the power of genuine love that remains steadfast over time.
Effective Communication
Clear and honest communication plays a pivotal role in Austen's novels. Austen often highlights the importance of open dialogue and honest expression of feelings as essential aspects of relationships.
She teaches us that relationship issues often stem from miscommunication and that clear and respectful dialogue is essential for understanding one another's needs, resolving conflicts and forming meaningful relationships.
In “Persuasion,” the lack of communication between Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth during their initial courtship results in a prolonged separation and heartbreak. And in "Pride and Prejudice," the lack of effective communication between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy leads to misunderstandings and judgments based on false assumptions. However, when they finally have an open conversation and express their true feelings, they can reconcile and find happiness.
Social and Class Constraints
Jane Austen's writings provide insight into her views on social classes, even though she doesn't explicitly state her opinion. A recurring theme in her works is the impact of social expectations and class differences on relationships. She consistently critiques and challenges social barriers, particularly those based on class and status, emphasizing the impact of these barriers on individuals' lives and relationships. Austen often advocates for the significance of personal qualities and character over societal conventions.
In "Pride and Prejudice," Austen directly criticizes the inflexible social hierarchy of her time by portraying the obstacles faced by Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy due to their contrasting social standings. Eventually, they overcome these constraints and find happiness through understanding and love.
Similarly, in "Emma," Austen presents Emma Woodhouse, a character who, due to her wealth and status, assumes the right to meddle in the romantic affairs of others. Austen critiques Emma's tendency to overlook the importance of societal hierarchies and her assumption that her privileged position grants her the power to control the lives of individuals from lower social backgrounds.
Acknowledging and rectifying shortcomings
Jane Austen’s writings suggest that she saw imperfections as a natural part of human nature and relationships. In her novels, she explores this theme through her characters and their journeys. She often portrays relationships that are initially flawed or face obstacles, but gradually evolve and overcome those imperfections.
For instance, in “Pride and Prejudice,” both Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy embody imperfect individuals. Elizabeth’s initial prejudice and Darcy’s pride pose challenges in their relationship. However, as the story progresses, both characters undergo personal growth and come to acknowledge their own shortcomings. Austen’s work emphasizes the significance of recognizing and addressing one’s imperfections, as this yields personal development and fosters genuine connections.
Similarly, Austen’s novel “Emma” also explores imperfect couples. The title character, Emma Woodhouse, misunderstands her own feelings and ends up interfering in the relationships of others. However, through her own self-reflection and the guidance of Mr. Knightley, Emma learns from her mistakes and ultimately discovers authentic love and companionship.
Personal Growth and Self-Awareness
Jane Austen’s novels often showcase her belief in the importance of personal awareness and self-reflection. In her works, she emphasizes the significance of characters’ understanding themselves and their own feelings before engaging in relationships or making life decisions. Her protagonists undergo significant personal growth throughout their relationship journeys. They learn from their mistakes, become self-aware, and eventually choose partners who respect and appreciate their true selves. Austen inspires us to recognize our personal growth potential within relationships, urging us to embrace change and continuous self-improvement.
In “Emma.” The protagonist, Emma Woodhouse, initially exhibits a lack of personal awareness and understanding of her own motives and feelings. However, as the story progresses, Emma gradually becomes more self-aware, recognizing her mistakes and gaining a deeper understanding of the consequences of her actions.
The Role of Integrity and Moral Character
Integrity and moral character hold great importance in Austen’s novels. Characters with integrity are portrayed as reliable and trustworthy partners, while those lacking these qualities face struggles and complications in their relationships. Austen highlights the significance of finding partners of sound moral character to build strong and honorable relationships.
An example of Austen's emphasis on Integrity can be seen in the novel “Persuasion”. Despite societal pressures and misunderstandings, Captain Wentworth demonstrates his integrity by remaining faithful to his feelings for Anne Elliot. He acts with honor, even when it seems that circumstances may come between him and his love for Anne. In “Sense and Sensibility” Austen showcases the importance of integrity through the character of Colonel Brandon. Despite facing personal challenges and setbacks, Colonel Brandon remains honorable and true to his values.
Balancing Love and Reason
While Austen acknowledges the importance of romantic love and passion in relationships, she also cautions against excessive reliance on these feelings and teaches us the importance of balancing emotions with rationality, leading to a deeper and more satisfying connection. Her novels suggest that love founded solely on passion may not withstand the test of time, emphasizing that long-lasting relationships require deeper emotional connections.
In “Pride and Prejudice,” Austen explores the theme of balancing love and reason through the relationship between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Their initial prejudices hinder their understanding of one another, but through self-reflection and personal growth, they learn to balance their emotions with rationality. This leads to a deeper connection rooted in mutual respect and genuine love, overcoming their initial barriers. Austen emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and the delicate balance between the heart and the mind in forming meaningful relationships.
Jane Austen's novels indeed contain timeless lessons on relationships. Through her works, she showcases the significance of genuine love, effective communication, navigating societal expectations, personal growth, integrity, and achieving a balance between emotions and reason. Austen's narratives continue to connect with readers, providing valuable guidance and insights on how to build healthy and fulfilling relationships. By contemplating and applying Austen's teachings, individuals can cultivate stronger and more meaningful connections with their own partners.
